he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
