I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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