But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Can I color on your dick again?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
