I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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