we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
