Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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