I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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