The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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