I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
