wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize