You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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