Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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