Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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