My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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