I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
