Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
