it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
