Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
