Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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