I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
