he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
