who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
