He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
