She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
