You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
