I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
