He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
