exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
