Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
