Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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