I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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