hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
