were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize