Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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