Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
