OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
