this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
