I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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