please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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