My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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