can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize