There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
