Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
