one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
