we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
