There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Floor bacon is actually really good
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
