Have you finally orgasmed yet?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
