stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Drake has all the answers
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
