Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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