I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
