i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
