Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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