My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
