Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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