Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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