it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize