i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
