I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
