You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
