Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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