Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
And then he peed in my hair
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