his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize