dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
