Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
