sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
