So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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