Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize