well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize